Search Results

Hi folx! If you read Ask Allison #1, you know this is a space where I post questions asked to me anonymously and answer them. Thanks to those of you who've asked me questions this week! Dear Allison, What's your go-to toy recommendation and why? Looking to spice things up with my partner but not sure where to start! Sincerely, Too Many Options!!! Dear Too Many Options!!!, It sounds like you've got a good problem on your hands! I'll give you some categories to choose from, since I don't know exactly what you're looking for. Please note that I'm not sponsored by any toy company; these are curated from my experience as a coach and educator: Vibrators I love recommending CalExotic's Red Hot Spark to people with vulvas because it has many options for stimulation. Its shape can feel like a simulation of oral sex because the soft silicone tip can flick if you hold it in a certain way, or it can feel like a bullet vibrator with a very pinpointed sensation at the very tip, depending on the pressure you give behind it or the angle at which it touches the body. It has a wider base, which is good for body massage, but it is NOT safe for anal play because it doesn't have a flared base so please use this externally or vaginally ONLY. Dildos Depending on the size and shape you think you might want, Blush's Avant lineup has just about everything, and most of them are pride-colored, just for fun! They're made with a super-soft, patented silicone so they're sturdy, body-safe, and durable. They fit into most harnesses if you're interested in pegging, and can feel anywhere from heavy and filling to light and tantilizing. Some mimic human penises while others don't necessarily look human at all, if you're going for a more non-binary, non-conforming (to any race, species, etc.) type of vibe. They do run a bit high on price, but they're well worth the spend and will definitely last you. Strokers This category can get a bit sticky (pun absolutely intended) because most penis-owners are pretty particular about how they like their penis to be touched. I would recommend starting with something gentle, like the Tenga Egg strokers, then ramping it up if you or your partner are into this kind of stimulation. Because strokers aren't self-lubricating like vaginas, don't try to use them without lube of some sort. Most are very easily washable, so don't be too concerned about cleanup; just be sure to over-lube and err on the side of getting too much (because you can never really have way too much) and make sure you have excellent communication between you and your partner so you or they can tell the other how things are feeling. Anal Play Similar to the dildo recommendations, I would always recommend Blush's Avant lineup. They use the same silicone to make their anal toys, which come in a variety of shapes and sizes and colors. As with the strokers, use so much lube you run out (and then go get more!!) because the anus is NOT self-lubricating and you can do some real damage and cause some real pain that really is not fun to deal with if you don't use adequate lube. The anus is very very sensitive, so make sure to go super slowly, communicate with your partner, and use tactile skills like feeling if their or your sphincter is open and ready to receive more stimulation or not. Stay away from anal play if you or your partner is experiencing hemorrhoids or rectal tears. These can not only be horribly uncomfortable but can also lead to infection. Use graduating toys that go from very small sizes to larger ones and make sure anything you're using for anal play has a flared base and looks similar to a traffic cone. Silicone, glass, or metal are good materials to look for, as they are non-porous and generally waterproof, though you should double check the label to make sure. Metal and glass toys will make the user feel more full more quickly, so keep that in mind as well. Impact Play My all-time favorite impact play toy recommendation is a flogger. Similar to a whip, this toy has a small learning curve and comes in a variety of materials and sizes. It's known for its ability to sting a little, but not leave lasting marks like bruises or scratches. I don't tend to recommend paddles because they can really hurt if not used correctly and can cause some serious damage to the body, especially bruises and broken bones (seriously, being gentle with these things really matters) and nobody wants to end up on an episode of "Sex Sent Me to the ER". Bondage I would recommend wrist or ankle restraints before handcuffs or rope, especially for beginners in this area. They're much more comfortable than metal cuffs and don't tend to leave marks. They're also pretty easy to take on and off and come in a lot of different materials, like velvet, leather, faux fur, etc. which can be a really fun addition to your intimate life and help things go from good to EXXXTRA SPICY!!! They don't usually require a key, so they're a bit less risky than handcuffs. I hope this helps you with your sexplorations! I wish you all the best luck in finding all of the toys that give you exactly what you're looking for. ~Allison

Hi folx! If you read Ask Allison #1, you know this is a space where I post questions asked to me anonymously and answer them. Thanks to those of you who've asked me questions this week! Dear Allison, I identify as a straight cis male, but I think I'm curious about trying butt stuff. What's wrong with me? Sincerely, Scared Straight Dear Scared Straight, For everyone reading, "cis" is short for "cis-gender", which means you identify with the gender and genitals you were born with. Now, let's talk about butt stuff! First of all, enjoying anal stimulation doesn't define your sexuality. Being attracted to any other gender other than the opposite cis-gender of your own gender is generally classified as being "queer". Being attracted to the same gender as you is generally considered as being "gay". There are many exceptions to this, though. The male body has something which you've probably heard of called the prostate gland. This is a walnut-sized part of the male anatomy that sits in the pelvis and can be reached (and stimulated) through the anus. Receiving touch can be really pleasurable for a lot of people who identify as men, but doesn't make them "gay" or not straight. In fact, a lot of men like stimulation on their penis as well as their prostate - it can enhance orgasm exponentially for some! So, all of this is to say that absolutely nothing is wrong with you. You were simply built with a pleasure spot that's only reachable through your bum-hole, so if you want to know what it's like to experiment with that, there's really only one way to go: up! Now, here's a word of caution on anal play: GO. SLOW. For the love of all things good (including your booty), please don't shove things up there if they don't want to go yet. And please start small. A finger wrapped in a condom works great. Then you can add another until you need to take it slower again. That leads me to... USE. LUBE. The anus, unlike the vagina, does NOT have its own lubricant and therefore is not slippery enough to provide adequate lubrication for penetration or any other kind of anal fun, for that matter. Do you and your bum a favor and get some lube, especially one that's formulated for anal play. Make sure you're using the right lube formula (like water-based) that is safe for the types of toys you're using. Remember that like degrades like, so don't use silicone-based lube on silicone toys or oil-based lube on latex condoms. Which brings me to... USE. CONDOMS. The anus, also unlike the vagina, has very thin walls and doesn't have its own self-cleaning mechanisms to defend against infections. This is just one of the other multitude of reasons it's an excellent idea to use lube, but it's an even better idea to use condoms. Condoms, when used correctly, can be up to 99% effective at preventing STIs, and some of the scariest ones at that like HIV/AIDS, HPV, and others. And, if you happen to run into a "chocolate surprise", the toys (or penis/es) you're using won't end up chocolate-flavored as well. RELAX!!! Your anus is a bundle of super-tight muscles for a very good reason. Try taking some deep breaths and play with the external parts before trying to insert anything. Your body needs to know that that kind of touch is safe and, if you want to go further, welcomed (eventually). Just take your time and try not to set expectations for yourself, or a partner, if you're not flying solo. Do not ever. EVER. EVER!!!! use toys without a "flared" base. They CAN and WILL get sucked into your body and you will have to take a very embarrassing trip to the ER to get them removed very uncomfortably, both emotionally and physically. Just stick to toys that are meant to go up there and you'll be fine, as long as they're made of body-safe material like silicone, metal, or glass. Heavy = full. Toys that are made of metal or glass will make you feel more full more quickly, so especially take it slower with these guys and don't ever forget your lube! Lube way more than you think, too. Get it everywhere. I hope this information has been helpful! As always, feel free to get in touch with me with any questions. Good luck with your sexpeditions! ~Allison

Hey, y'all! If you missed out on the last one, this is your reminder to get tickets for my workshop on September 27th, 2024! Find all the details below! When: September 27th, 2024, time TBD Where: Mystique Lingerie 2700 S College Ave Suite 165 Fort Collins, CO 80525 What it's about: This workshop will cover what to do when you feel like the spark you had isn't quite as strong. Feeling like a spark has dwindled is an extraordinarily common challenge, and not a lot of folx know where to turn when it starts to happen because it can feel really overwhelming and scary, especially if you've been in a long-term relationship/marriage and noticed things just aren't quite as spicy as they once were. We'll learn about some different communication tactics to help get some convos facilitated, talk about some tips and tricks to use at home (hint: it involves getting naked together!), and do some brief anatomy lessons to make sure you're reaching all the right places when you go spelunking. As with all of my workshops, this is a safe space where anyone of all genders, ethnicities, ages, backgrounds, races, relationship statuses, and cultures can come together and learn about their sexualities as they pertain to the kink world. If you are under 16 years old, please bring an adult with you who will act as your parent or guardian. Here's a link to get tickets! https://www.mystiquelingeriefoco.com/products/rediscovering-desire-pleasure If you have any questions, please reach out to me! I hope to see you all there! ~Allison

Hey everyone! Here's a little reminder that you can catch me at Wolverine Farm Publick House on August 22nd, 2024 from 2:30-4:30pm - I'll be available to answer any and all questions you might have about sex, intimacy, relationships, sexuality, gender, kink, and so much more! Stop by and say hi and bring me all your weirdest, most embarrassing, wackiest, craziest questions and I'll do my best to answer them! Hope you see you out there! ~Allison

Hey, y'all! If you missed out on the last one, this is your reminder to get tickets for my workshop on August 22nd, 2024! Find all the details below! When: August 22nd, 2024 from 6-8pm Where: Mystique Lingerie 2700 S College Ave Suite 165 Fort Collins, CO 80525 What it's about: This workshop will cover the basics of BDSM! BDSM, if you aren't familiar, stands for b ondage, d ominance, s adism, and m asochism, and, as you'll learn in this workshop, there's a lot more to it than just those four terms! We'll learn about the many, many facets of BDSM as well as do some hands-on (and clothing-on) rope-tying, communication techniques, and sensation play! Glean some take-home tricks that you can try with just you or you+. This is a safe space where anyone of all genders, ethnicities, ages, backgrounds, races, and cultures can come together and learn about their sexualities as they pertain to the kink world. If you are under 16 years old, please bring an adult with you who will act as your parent or guardian. Here's a link to get tickets! https://www.eventbrite.com/e/bdsm-101-a-beginners-guide-to-knk-tickets-923538427297?aff=ebdsoporgprofile If you have any questions, please reach out to me! I hope to see you all there! ~Allison

Hi folx! If you read Ask Allison #1, you know this is a space where I post questions asked to me anonymously and answer them. Thanks to those of you who've asked me questions this week! Dear Allison, What is the orgasm gap? How do people know if they actually * can't * orgasm? How many orgasms are normal for a person? Why does the orgasm gap exist? Sincerely, Or-grasping for Answers Dear Or-grasping for Answers, So many really good, really important questions! Thanks for bringing them to my attention! I'll answer each one individually, since they have heftier answers. What is the orgasm gap? Essentially, the orgasm gap is the term we use to describe the discrepancy between orgasmic satisfaction (usually in terms of times a person orgasms) in people with vulvas and people with penises. Historically, and typically, it goes like this:* -People with vulvas having sex** with people with penises are less orgasmically satisfied and tend to report less than one orgasm during a sexual encounter with people with penises. -People with vulvas having sex with people with vulvas tend to report a smaller orgasm gap and tend to feel more orgasmically satisfied. -People with penises having sex with people with penises report the lowest orgasm gap of all of the categories and tend to feel very orgasmically satisfied. *Please note that this is a generalization and it does not reflect every individual's experience. Many people have very happy sex lives and feel orgasmically fulfilled! **Having sex can include any form of sexual intimacy, not just penetration. Things that perpetuate the orgasm gap are: -Not communicating with your partner(s) about what they want -Not communicating with your partner(s) about what you want -Not knowing what you want (and therefore not knowing how to communicate with your partner(s)) Things you can do to close the orgasm gap: -Talk to your partner(s)! -Spend some time with yourself and really get clear on what you like, don't like, and how you orgasm, not to be confused with what makes you orgasm, though that's a good thing to know, too! How do people know if they * can't * orgasm? Like with many physiological questions, there's a lot we don't know yet. And there's a lot of research we have yet to perfect. Especially with the tools we use to conduct said research. To answer this question, I'll talk about studies that have been done but aren't perfect, so take it with a grain of salt. First, let's define "orgasm" clinically. The clinical definition is the rapid contracting and/or pulsing of the pelvic floor muscles. There are 4 clinical types of orgasm that I use here: -Clitoral -Vaginal -Cervical (of the cervix, not the spine) -Penile It's important to note that ejaculation (female, e.g. squirting, and male, e.g. semen) do not necessarily mean an orgasm has occurred. There are potentially hundreds if not more types of non-clinical orgasms, such as "sensational" (meaning of sensation, like touching the arm or earlobe, etc.), mental, and more. For the purposes of answering your question, we'll stick to the clinical ones for now. Anorgasmia, the inability to physiologically orgasm, occurs in about 5% of people with vulvas. It can also occur in people with penises, but it is much more rare. Technically speaking, it's "normal" - normal, as I use that word, is anything that doesn't hurt or make you feel unsafe - and doesn't have any effect on the body whatsoever. It's pretty obvious, at least physiologically-speaking, if someone has an orgasm. In a clinical, research setting, small probes are inserted into the vagina to measure things like body temperature, cervical mucus production, blood flow, and muscle contractions. For vaginal, clitoral, and cervical orgasms, it's "easy" to see these recorded on a screen. With nodes attached to the head, you can also see changes in brain waves and chemistry during orgasm. But it can be difficult to tell if you either are or are not having one if you aren't hooked up to something that looks like The Machine in the Pit of Despair from The Princess Bride. My advice? -Get in touch with yourself! Literally! Be very mindful as you do solo play or when you're with a partner and notice how your body responds to different stimuli. -Don't pressure yourself to have an orgasm, or even to try to have one. Just spend time exploring and nurturing your sexual self. If it happens, great! If not, no worries. If it never happens, it's up to you to either keep trying or potentially seek out more research or doctors who could potentially look into an anorgasmia "diagnosis" for you. Just remeber through it all that YOU. ARE. NORMAL!!! :) One thing to note here is that people with vulvas are typically socially raised to believe their orgasm isn't as important as people with penises. It can be difficult to put you or your partner(s) first when this is the societal norm, but push through that and you might discover more pleasure than you ever thought possible! While it is true that the orgasm shouldn't always be the focus of your sexual experience, it does deserve some care and attention sometimes. Spend time learning about your sexual self and find the pleasure you've been missing out on! How many orgasms are normal for one person? This depends entirely on the person! I've had clients who love to have multiple orgasms, or even sequential orgasms, or many orgasms throughout the day. I've also had clients who are so super good with one or even less than one, depending on how they're feeling or how their day is going. I've said it before and I'll say it again: YOU. ARE. NORMAL. No matter how many (or how few) orgasms you have. Why does the orgasm gap exist? So, I kind of answered this in the first bit. But it's worth restating. The orgasm gap exists largely because partners usually don't communicate to the fullest extent possible for maximum pleasure and adequate satisfaction. If everyone said things like "I'd really like an orgasm, but I want it before we have penetrative sex so I can feel really warmed up.", the gap would significantly decrease. Next time you're with a partner, try having these types of conversations with them before you get to the bedroom if you can. And if you find yourself already between the sheets, it won't be a "mood killer" to briefly talk about your wants. If anything, it'll turn all of you on even more! Thank you for your insightful questions! I know this was a lot of info, but you made it through! And hopefully you learned a little something about the orgasm gap and anorgasmia along the way. As always, please reach out to a doctor if you're experiencing any pain or feeling unsafe in any way and stay sexy!! ~Allison

Hello wonderful people! I hope this blog post finds you happy, healthy, and living your best life! This is just a little message to let you know that I'll be starting up FREE Q&A sessions on August 12th, 2:30-4:30! These are little pop-up events where I'll be sat at a coffee shop or local spot and anyone with any questions about sexual health, gender, sexuality, kink, etc. is welcome to come up and ask me their questions! I'm not selling ANYTHING and it'll always be 100% free (though I do encourage you to grab a drink or goodie from the venue), so bring me your questions!! Because this is a pop-up event, the location and times are subject to change, so stay up-to-date using the Community Projects tab on my website, my Instagram page, or this blog to find where I'll be! So excited to see you all out there! ~Allison

Hi folx! If you read Ask Allison #1, you know this is a space where I post questions asked to me anonymously and answer them. Thanks to those of you who've asked me questions this week! Dear Allison, I love fantasizing about forced sex, but I’m not sure that I would ever really want that in real life. Is it weird that it really turns me on to think about someone having sex with me without my consent? I’m not pro r*pe or sexual harassment by any means - I just think the idea of someone taking advantage of me is hot. Help? Sincerely, Fantasizing Fanatic Dear Fantasizing Fanatic, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: unless something hurts (and you don’t want it to) or you feel unsafe, everything is perfectly, 100% normal! In fact, if you identify as a woman, you’re so normal that you fall into the 62%-ish category of people who enjoy fantasizing about forced sex! And if you identify as a man, you’re normal too - about 54% of men fantasize about forced sex, according to a study done by Justin Lehmiller. If you identify as non-binary, 68% of this population ALSO said they fantasize about forced sex! So basically, however you identify, there’s a pretty good chance you’re in good company with your fantasies. Fantasizing about something doesn’t necessarily mean you’d like it to play out in real life, either. Emily Nagoski talks about this in her book, Come As You Are, and makes a point about how it’s totally normal to have desires we’d never want to be a real situation in our lives and that’s actually part of the appeal of a fantasy itself. And, in some cases, you DO want it to play out! This doesn’t mean you want to find yourself being taken advantage of by someone WITHOUT your consent - but it can mean that. And it can mean that you want to role play a scenario with someone you trust and make sure you’ve established your good boundaries and safe words and establish that, in this specific case, “No” might not mean “Stop” and that’s totally OK, as long as everyone HAS consented to the rules. And just because you have these fantasies doesn’t mean you’re pro sexual harassment by any stretch whatsoever. Just to be super ultra mega transparent on that. All in all, you’re totally normal, no matter what you’re fantasizing about. As long as it’s not harming yourself or others and everyone has gotten and given consent, fantasize (and/or let your ideas play out in real life!) to your heart’s content! Go forth and stay sexy! ~Allison

Hello again, world, and lovely people in it! This is an official announcement that I have a workshop on the books! Here are the quick deets: -When: August 22nd, 2024, 6-8pm -Where: Mystique Lingerie, 2700 S College Ave, Suite 165, Fort Collins, CO, 80525 -What it's about: The workshop title, BDSM 101, kind of says it all, except for what it doesn't say which is that I'll be educating folx about how they can explore their desires in this beginner-friendly, hands-on, experiential workshop! If you're looking for a safe space where you can learn about how to do those things you've always wanted to do but never had the courage to type into your Google search bar (on Private Browsing Mode, of course), then this is the place for you! Read on for more info... Info, etc.: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/bdsm-101-a-beginners-guide-to-knk-tickets-923538427297 What you'll get at the workshop: -Hands-on (and pants-on) sensory play with you and/or your partner(s) -Demos on how to tie ropes, use handcuffs, paddles, chains, whips, floggers, feathers, and more! -A 101-style education on cultivating pleasure, desire, and communication around BDSM, sensation play, restraints, and impact play What you'll take home: -Tips & tricks for how to cultivate desires, communicate those to your partner(s), and shed the shame you've (potentially) felt about your desires -Knowledge about how to find your magic, rediscover that spark (or an entirely new spark!), and ways to open up not only to others but to yourself as well -FREE STUFF!!! I can't wait to see you there! Remember that all of my workshops are open to all ages (and if you're under 16, please bring a parent or guardian along for the ride), sexualities, genders, gender expressions, ethnicities, nationalities, backgrounds, parents, parents-to-be, single folx, monogamous folx, poly and non-monogamous folx, saved, searching, and anyone else. Just please don't bring your fur babies :) As always, get in touch with me if you have questions about ANYTHING!! See you on the other side!

Hi folx! If you read Ask Allison #1, you know this is a space where I post questions asked to me anonymously and answer them. Thanks to those of you who've asked me questions this week! Dear Allison, Recently, my partner and I have been trying some new things in the bedroom, and she seems really into them, but I don’t feel like the new stuff is doing as much for me as what we did before. More specifically, she’s really into tying me up and I just don’t feel safe doing that, plus it’s not really a turn-on for me. What should I do? Sincerely, Not So Knotty Dear Not So Knotty, It sounds like you and your partner have some mismatched kinks and/or desires, which is certainly not a bad thing. I admire your willingness to try new things, though, and I implore you to continue with that! When trying new things, it’s important to remember a few things: 1. Communication Since every person is so unique with their desires, it’s highly likely that you and your partner want some different things during sex, and that’s totally OK! When communicating, be sure to stay open-minded and listen to your partner as well as express your desires in ways that make you and your partner feel safe. For example, it’ll probably go over much better if you say “I’d really be into trying this. What do you think?” instead of “Let’s try this because I want to.” This way, you’re both equally in control of what happens next. Just remember that if they say “no, thanks”, they aren’t saying “no, thanks” to you as a person - it might just require some more discussion. 2. Consent As with anything, make sure you have an enthusiastic, verbal, sober “yes” from your partner (and from yourself!) before trying new things. You can even make a consent form for you both to fill out that clearly outlines what you are and are not willing to do on paper if any questions arise in the future. Note that you can change the document at any time to reflect your feelings and it is NOT legally binding unless you hire a lawyer. 3. Safe words Establishing a clear exit strategy can be the make-or-break moment for someone feeling a little unsure about trying new things. Make sure to communicate all safe words and gestures before anything happens and do it clearly so there aren’t any miscommunications. These can be a system like “red, yellow, or green lights”, red being stop immediately, yellow being you’re unsure but keep going, and green being a full-on “this is AWESOME!!”. Make them personal to you and have fun with it! If you feel you just aren’t into what your partner is into, it’s probably time to have a discussion with her to see what is negotiable, how she can fill desires you might not want to be a part of if she needs that, and how you can continue to be satisfied with your sex life in the process of all of this. Keep in mind that sex is usually a two-way street, and for it to be wonderful, amazing, etc., all parties should feel respected, listened to, and satisfied, which can take some work. If you’re prepared for that, then jump in and live your best life, exploring all kinds of different things! As a side note, if you’re feeling unsure about how to get into trying kinky things, check out my upcoming workshop, BDSM 101. You can find it on my website under the “Workshops” tab, or just save the date: August 22nd, 2024, 6-8pm Mystique Lingerie 2700 S College Ave, Fort Collins, CO, 80525 I hope this helps you discover more about your partner and about yourself! This is a journey for all of us and I hope you’re enjoying yours so far. Good luck! Sincerely, Allison

Hi folx! If you read Ask Allison #1, you know this is a space where I post questions asked to me anonymously and answer them. Thanks to those of you who've asked me questions this week! Dear Allison, Is bacterial vaginosis an STI? Does their positive test mean my partner is cheating on me? Can it be transmitted between partners? What should I do? Sincerely, Vagino-Sis Hey Vagino-Sis, Thank you for your questions! These are so very important. So, let's start with the first one. -Is bacterial vaginosis (BV) an STI? Officially, no. It's not considered an STI for reasons I'm not quite sure about - I'll answer your next questions and you'll see why. -Does their positive test mean my partner is cheating on me? No, it doesn't mean they are cheating on you. Though it's not impossible. The best thing you can do is have an open, honest conversation with them and be as non-judgmental as possible. Remember that any positive result can be scary for anyone, regardless of the infection/disease/condition and how they contracted it. -Can it be transmitted between partners? Yes, if both partners have a vulva and vagina. BV is a bacterial overgrowth of good bacteria in the vagina. Usually, BV is caused by an imbalance in pH. The vagina is naturally acidic to protect it from infection, but sometimes, this is thrown off by a number of things: -Rough sex acts that result in tears, wounds, etc. of the vulva and/or vagina -Too much washing down there -Washing with a scented (or not-well-tolerated) soap or wash -Vaginal douching -Shaving (sometimes razors can irritate) So, if both you and your partner have a vagina, it's best to abstain from ANY sexual acts until they're finished with their treatment completely. This is because the vagina needs time to heal after an infection. BV can be recurrent, so you'll need to take small but important precautions to ensure it doesn't interfere any further with your sex life. These include: -Staying away from any scented washes or any soap in general - the vagina is a self-cleaning oven and just needs a little water on the vulva to keep it clean. Don't overdo it!!! -Washing your hands before sexual acts and after with warm water and soap for at least 20 seconds. Make sure to get under your fingernails, too! Stuff likes to hide there :) -Don't douche. EVER. -Drink plenty of water -Urinate after sex acts -If you notice any tears, pain, or blood after sex, be sure to take a quick rinse in warm water right after and consult your physician, OB/GYN, etc. -Use condoms of all kinds and extra lube I hope this helps! Don't forget to stay hydrated, wash ya hands, and stay safe out there! Best of luck! ~Allison

Hi folx! If you read Ask Allison #1, you know this is a space where I post questions asked to me anonymously and answer them. Thanks to those of you who've asked me questions this week! Dear Allison, My boyfriend and I have been having sex without a condom recently and he's been pulling out as our primary form of birth control. He's been really reassuring that he always pulls out before he orgasms, so there shouldn't be a risk of pregnancy since no sperm are leaving his body. But I'm not fully convinced. Should we be using condoms or other types of birth control? What's the risk of getting pregnant from pre-cum? Sincerely, Skeptical Sally Hi Skeptical Sally, Thanks for your question! Unwanted pregnancies can be really stressful for all parties affected, not just the person who gets pregnant! It sounds like you and your boyfriend have had some communication around safe sex, which I love to hear. Keep those communication channels open! To answer your questions, I’ll first note that using birth control such as condoms is always a great idea, especially if you aren’t using any other forms of birth control like the pill, IUD, shots, etc. Condoms are also one of the only methods of birth control that prevent STIs as well as unwanted pregnancies, which is equally as important in terms of your health and safety, in my opinion. Yes, even when you’re in a monogamous relationship. I’m not insinuating you or your partner has been unfaithful - I just mean to say you only 100% know what yourself has been up to. As a side note here, I get tested every single year, regardless of who I’m with or who I’ve been with. In terms of pregnancy risk for your situation, it’s not a simple answer, but I’ll try to keep it as simple as I can. Technically, your boyfriend isn’t correct: pre-cum, or pre-ejaculate, can contain some sperm cells. Pre-ejaculate is a liquid secreted by the penis during arousal and before orgasm to A) rid the urethra of any potential contaminants so the sperm are unencumbered getting into the outside world, B) to lubricate the penis for its next activities so that there is less friction and the sperm can swim better, C) to neutralize the pH of the vagina so the sperm have a higher chance of surviving the harsh environment that is a vagina. It’s actually kind of cool when you think about how all of those things work together. What isn’t cool? Having an unwanted pregnancy because there were a few sperm cells in his pre-cum that made it through to your egg. The risk of this is somewhere around 22%, which is more than a one-in-five chance. That means for every five times he pulls out, one of those times could be the time you get pregnant. The bottom line is…for sure use contraception if you don’t wanna get pregnant! Depending on if you have insurance, lots of methods are free or at a very reduced price. Talk to a doctor to decide which kind of contraception will be best for you and remember to always keep some condoms on-hand. Trust your instincts and make sure you aren’t feeling pressured into anything, such as not using condoms. If you feel like something isn’t right, it probably isn’t. I hope you find the perfect solution to this challenge! May you have many more pregnancy-free, pleasure-full sexy times ahead! ~Allison